By naming and narrating my child’s emotions, I helped her understand where her anger came from, taught her vocabularies to describe her emotions and gave her tools to solve problems. I repeated that request at every step she took on the 14-step staircase. First, by being a good example. Disagreement can take place without being disrespectful. A woman sitting at the next table snapped her fingers and yelled at the waiter, “Hey, you brought the wrong dish. That’s right—teaching kids respect starts with our own behaviors. The information provided on this website is not intended to be a replacement or substitute for professional medical advice. Granted, there are often situations where disrespectful kids really do outrageous or disrespectful things, but it could be because they don’t know any better at that age or they miss the cue. The best way to teach your child about respect is for you to show respect to yourself, your child, and others. NOW.”. Here are 6 things you can do to get kids to listen to and respect parents. Sometimes, a warning may be the best way to deal with disrespectful behavior. To teach respect, first, we need to stay calm and stay in control. Instead, I just sat at my desk and shouted my command, while she was fully immersed in tasting the yummy cookies. For older children, it should be proportionate to their transgression, how frequently it has happened, and whether they have heeded any warnings. I also showed her that in conflict situations, you could still stay calm, keep a clear head and respond respectfully. Not that I’m saying I’m never harsh to my child. Then, you can say that, when you feel respect for someone, you want to be polite and kind toward that person. Respect can be such an abstract concept to explain to kids. Teaching respect, honesty, and gratitude at school and in the classroom requires these social-emotional learning lessons and hands-on activities for kids. It is important for children to learn how to show respect to others and to themselves. How did it make you feel when you gave them the toy? We decided to have kids. How could we do it differently the next time, so you are both respectful? I am also including other ideas I’ve found around the web so you are well equipped to teach valuable lessons on character. It can seem hard at times, but, once the groundwork is laid, it gets much easier. To emphasize that point, you might invite each student to share something … She had never called me that before as we had never called her a bad girl. A sense of respect is vital to succeeding in school, holding down a job, and having adult relationships. Even for those who have had a happy childhood, they may still have unresolved issues that prevent them from being the best parents they can be. By always disregarding the time of others, your kids will assume that time isn’t relevant. But instead of saying, “If you refuse to put your toys away, we are not going to the park,” frame it differently. Meaning we need to be kind to all and show every person and animal respect. If we discipline using a menacing or stern tone when our kids have done something wrong, we are showing them how to be cruel and harsh to those who make mistakes. Teach kids respect by respecting others time. When genuinely being disrespected, we should pay attention to the circumstance instead of going off on the child, “You are being disrespectful!”. Teaching Kids Respect in the Classroom We all know what it feels like to be respected (or disrespected). If the words or behavior are significant, or you have provided a warning which is then ignored, you may have to demonstrate to your child that there is a negative consequence to their action (11). So, instead of telling your preschooler to be respectful to their teacher at daycare, give them concrete examples. When your child is disrespectful, it is easy to react instinctively, but try your best not to do that. There are other areas of respect we are teaching our boys, such as: respect for women and girls, respect for each other and ourselves, and respect for elders and authority. Observing respectful adult behavior helps your child learn the value of respect and how to use it to her advantage. How to Stop Toddler Banging Head (7 Tips to Try), How to Stop Toddlers from Hitting and Biting, Tips on How to Deal with Toddler Tantrums, 250 Questions for Kids (To Get Them Talking), 50 of the Best Boys’ First Birthday Party Ideas, 50 Girls’ First Birthday Party Ideas (To Bring a Smile to Your Princess). You are demonstrating integrity and building trust with your child. This includes the way you speak about your spouse and co-workers. The most effective way to teach kids respectful behavior is to model it yourself, says Victoria Kindle Hodson, coauthor of Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids. To teach respect, first, we need to stay calm and stay in control. I saw you that let your friend have the toy you both wanted. You can say: It is okay to say to your friend, “I know you would like a turn. It can be how you react when driving. If other kids are mad at you for something you have done, does it make you a bad girl?” She shook her head determinedly. Don’t yell, or talk loudly over someone else who is talking. They are called names and they are hurt. Teaching your child about respectful words and behaviors requires a two-pronged approach: You have to explain the concept of respect, as well as teaching your child how to apply the concept to their words and actions. Why is there such a big difference in how we treat others compared to how we treat our children? That should include children. The younger your child is, the more difficult they will find it to understand respect as an abstract concept that can be applied to multiple situations. Despite that, I will never use it as the default way to treat my child, nor will I justify doing so is OK or necessary. Afterward, I explained to her why I was so upset before. We're pretty excited that we can use the Kids of Integrity resources to help us out when we don't have the exact thought to back up what we are trying to teach or the Bible verse that would most relate to the situation. What better way to teach a behavior than modeling the behavior you want to teach? Right now, it is my turn, and I will give you the toy after.” That way, you are respecting your friend’s feelings, and not making yourself sad. It may be appropriate to tell your child they can no longer go out to play, or your older child that they are grounded. Teaching respect to your kids is all about providing them with a role model, explaining your expectations, being consistent, and following through with fair, measured consequences. Depending on how serious the incident was, you may want to provide a warning, or it might be appropriate to apply a suitable punishment. They were only being compliant when they were kids. They would reply, “How dare you! Teaching kids to respect others begins by setting a good example to follow. She ignored it and entered my room with cookies in her hands and crumbs on my floor. I was angry. Children need to be taught to be respectful. This is especially true if you have a tendency to speak over your child when they are trying to express themselves, or if you discount your child’s emotions without giving them any consideration. Sometimes your child can be influenced by visiting relatives who feel differently about respect. Why is it important to me?” Respect is important because it’s the essence of people getting along in the world. She looked at me, turned around and left my room. Begin by saying that respect can be a feeling — you can feel respect for another person. Having a deeper self-understanding can help one become a better parent. One of the worst things you can do is to teach your kids that time doesn’t matter. Respect is a complex concept for a child to grasp, so you will have to use words and examples they can understand. Modeling respect is one of the easiest ways to teach children to be respectful. The number one place that children learn respect is in the home, so it's a parent's responsibility to teach these skills early and consistently. It doesn’t have to be punitive. “OK, then you are not a bad girl because other people are upset. You may teach your child that everyone should be treated with respect, but your child can forget these lessons when they are in a new situation. A mature, respectful grownup accepts responsibility and apologizes when he or she makes mistakes. If you see someone acting disrespectfully, ask your child whether they think that person was being respectful or disrespectful. And respect isn’t always an up close and personal encounter. Rather, it indicates your child may be having difficulty splitting their attention. I know we ask you to respect other people’s feelings. When we parent respectfully, our kids will grow with a solid foundation of knowing what respect looks like, how important it is, and subsequently how to respect others (including us!). “Well, I understand you are upset. Teaching children respect can be in many forms and many ways. First, ask yourself, “Why do I care about respect? Respect is admiring or looking up to someone because that person has done something extraordinary or possesses impressive abilities. It is usually not malicious because kids (and grownups) cannot think straight when they are angry. Much of how we learn to behave is subconscious. I taught her that having emotions was normal, but shouting was not OK. That was very kind. Perhaps your child has started going to daycare or kindergarten, or maybe you have moved to a new home. Depending upon their age, you can ask them to think about a time they were treated badly, and how it made them feel. 20 Ways to Teach Kids about Respect These 20 ways to teach kids about respect include my previous lessons, crafts, activities, book collections and thoughts from my character building series. Was it because you were angry?” She nodded. They probably never did. Think about a chain smoker telling his child not to smoke. That’s where we, the parents, come in to teach them. Would you feel sad? This is not an indication they have changed — it is more of a case of your child struggling to cope. And when she didn’t meet my expectations, I acted rude towards her. You can then explain that your words and actions can show respect or a lack of it. It is also important to teach your child that they should expect to be treated with respect by others (8). Model good behavior such as being respectful to everyone, including our children. Your audience is watching. In this case, you can provide them with some simple, age-appropriate examples of respect. This understanding and tolerance for differences will become especially important when the teenage years come. I said it one more time when she was at my door. These new influences in their life might not be real people either. True story. Listen to another person’s point of view. I exploded and yelled, “Didn’t you hear that I asked you not to come in with cookies?”. See the irony in these two examples? That must feel really lousy, right? In that case, either a simple comment at the time, or a discussion about it later can be the best way to respond. Respect is not just a way of thinking about other people; it is also about how we treat other people — how we act toward them. And you have modeled the lack of respect well since their childhood. I showed her that when you were frustrated, you could be rude and disrespectful. She didn’t listen to me because she couldn’t listen to me. We’re not talking about paying your child to act well. Only when we self-reflect on ourselves can we model introspection to our children. However, don’t overwhelm your child by giving them a list of things they must and must not say and do. The same with children, being harsh or using punitive punishment will not earn us respect. The feeling of respect needs to come from within and you cannot force someone to respect you. What process would you go through? Why are you not listening? Today’s Weather. If you wait too long to do it, then we will not have time to go to the park.”. 2. Justifiably, many of them become upset or angry. I felt guilty and I said sorry to her. Method 1 My emotions took over. I don’t mean calling them sir or madam, or bowing to them. Also, a child going through a negative life change, such as the loss of a grandparent or other much-loved family member, may be disrespectful at times (4). Make sure they understand that respect should always be shown to everyone including: the elderly, people with disabilities, different skin colors, religious backgrounds, genders, hair color, … It’s free to read and use in the classroom. Admittedly, I sometimes wondered if I should just go the “easy” route to save myself some time and frustration after telling my daughter not to make a mess a gazillion times. Give them plenty of simple examples. Follow the rules to show you care about the person who set them. She simply couldn’t pay any attention to me until she entered the room and saw me. So she didn’t learn to say that until she heard her friends say it recently. Instead, teach them as you go by gently correcting disrespect and providing a correct alternative. By saying sorry you are showing them that even though it might be difficult or embarrassing they are willing to be uncomfortable in order to show them that they respect the person that has been wronged. If your child makes a brief, passing comment that you find to be rude, ask yourself, “Is this worth correcting, and if so, how do I correct it?”. And we cannot teach respect by being disrespectful to our children. So how do we teach our children to respect their fathers? As long as her choice is not a danger to safety or health, is not (too) financially consuming and does not hurt others, I honor it. Teaching your kids respect is a big deal around here. What to Do When Your Child Is Disrespectful. This may seem like a small distinction, but by avoiding an adversarial situation, you will be modeling the correct, respectful behavior. We ourselves decided to take on these responsibilities. This doesn’t mean your child is intending to be disrespectful, or that they have forgotten the positive lessons you have taught them. I was not being a good role model in having empathy, respect, and self-control. Teaching children respect can maintain healthy relationships with their dear and near ones and with their class fellows, friends and teachers etc. When teaching any type of behavior, the most important thing is to be a role model for your child. Explain to them what they have done, and how it was disrespectful. Feeling road rage? This is a great activity for primary students, special education students, children with autism, or while helping kids develop their social skills. But ultimately, she has to learn to make decisions for herself. What really helps is understanding why we parent the way we do. Then, ask your child how they think the other person felt, and how things could have been handled more respectfully. So I was angry. MG novel TKN’s Joyce Grant. Kids didn’t decide to have parents. Many families find their child displays disrespectful behavior to others after staying with older relatives who may have different policies regarding language and behavior. Teaching kids respect is an integral part of any character education program. For example, there are many ways educators can tie these social skills lessons into daily tasks. Learn what it is, how to explain it to your child, why a kid might be disrespectful, and what to do about it when they are. Just treat your child as a person in the same way you treat other grownups. Perhaps it’s my southern heritage but I was raised to say, “Yes, ma’am” or “No, sir.” These special phrases demonstrated respect, even if my behavior at that moment was less than respectful. #ideas I’m your mother/father!”. ‘The Story Behind the Story” — now on Soundcloud. Try saying, “We will only go to the park when you have put your toys away. But that doesn’t mean I am a bad mom. Treating children disrespectfully will just make them lose their respect for us (think about the mean boss example above). They may be imitating negative behavior they see on a cartoon or favorite television show (3). This book draws on findings in neuroscience and attachment research to help parents make sense of their life stories. All information found on Mom Loves Best® is intended for informational and educational purposes only. Then vent appropriately. Respect is also an act of giving attention or showing care. No, right? If you want your child to show respect, then model the behavior. Their entire lives changed and started to revolve around their children the moment they were born. That’s when everything Mom and Dad say will sound stupid to them and you want your teenager to know how to tolerate differences and still respect you! Respect has two parts: 1) having respect for someone because of how their actions impact others and 2) showing respect by changing your actions to be sure you don't have a negative impact. Teach your kiddo emotional regulation with these FREE breathing cards. If you tell your child they must say please and thank you to Grandma, they may not be emotionally mature enough to apply that to Grandpa or other relatives. By using these hints and tips, you can help your child be more respectful, avoid unnecessary confrontation, and remain calm in the face of adversity. Being respectful is about thinking of other people, and acting how you would like them to act. “Were you angry because I didn’t let you have more cookies?” She nodded again. For younger children, this can be a time-out or another similar, age-appropriate consequence. These parents are upset. I know you were thinking of how they were feeling. And, you will minimize the possibility of getting into a power struggle. You are at a restaurant. “Who says parenting is easy?” With this thought, I took a deep breath, recomposed myself and explained the gazillion-first time why it was not OK for her to do that. Teaching Kids Respect. Respect cannot be demanded. If your child is displaying a lack of respect for a person, or for someone’s thoughts and feelings, consider whether you do the same thing (2). But little children don’t understand all this. Any leftover focus was spent on making sure she didn’t fall down the stairs. Respect isn’t like some of the other things we teach our kids. If you’re wondering how to teach respect to kids, we’ll give you a crash course. Have toddler tantrum problem? Setting firm boundaries and sticking to them are the keys to successful discipline. When your child is disrespectful, the first thing to remember is not to take it personally (10). So I get it. When you think about it, disrespectful behavior is the opposite of being empathetic and having good manners. To teach respect in the classroom we must be able to define it. However, some of them feel completely entitled to talk to their children that way. Respect means treating other people the way you would like to be treated, and acknowledging the thoughts and opinions of others. It also means behaving in a polite manner, but how do we explain that in terms our children will understand? It teaches your kids to respect others and acknowledge their impact on other people. But positive discipline is not the same as being “soft” or permissive. Parents spend so much effort, time and money to care for their little ones. How Respect is Learned. In fact, studies have shown that positive discipline is a lot more effective and longer-lasting than punitive strategies. If we are sincere about teaching respect to children we must expose, acknowledge, and work on eliminating all the ways that we model disrespect. You can then give your child an alternative solution to apply in the future. These 20 ways to teach kids about respect include my previous lessons, crafts, activities, book collections and thoughts about teaching kids the importance of showing respect. Discuss how that disrespect made you feel, and how they would feel if the roles were reversed. Imagine if you make a silly mistake at work and the boss talks down to you in a demeaning way. A simple comment about how you feel they are being disrespectful may suffice. As mentioned, I do sometimes shout when I’m at my wit’s end. Last weekend, my almost 4.5-year-old finally achieved a major “milestone”. I don’t know about you, but I would think that she’s being very rude and disrespectful. For most parents, that is a very disrespectful thing for a child to say. Outside of the field of medicine, she has an interest in culinary arts. So I am not a bad mom because you are angry, right?” She nodded slowly like she was trying to absorb my words. It’s not something we can tell our kids how to do. The outcome should be to ensure the children to lead a happy and healthy life and treat people with respect and gentleness. For more significant disrespectful behavior, you may have to remove your child, calmly, from the situation, and deal with it right away. It can only be earned. I’ve heard a father yell at his son for eating the inside of a pie first before the crust because that was the wrong way to eat a pie. If your child is disrespectful, tell them that their behavior is not okay. Posted on Updated: Jan 15, 2021 Categories Blog. I was shouting to her from another room not caring whether I was interrupting what she was doing or not. Begin by using these phrases yourself when dealing with older people or with people in authority. When teaching respect to children helping them understand that admitting when you are wrong or saying sorry is one of the biggest ways to show people that they are important to you. It can seem hard at times, but, once the groundwork is laid, it gets much easier. Have toddler tantrum problem? Teach Kids Respect. Their feelings “push out” their conscious behavior, and they can say or do things in the heat of the moment. With my acknowledgment, I could see her seething anger start to dissipate. It’s important that we teach our kids that respect is inclusive. They learn that they should respect people despite their differences. Most of us are not this extreme but we still do some variations of preference policing. But, you also have to think about how you feel. Years later, when they’re all grown up, you may wonder why your grown children don’t have respect for you anymore. On the contrary, you are reinforcing your authority and credibility. She often ends up going to her preschool wearing mismatched socks, pajamas under dresses, a shirt under/over a dress, etc. Children who are taught respect from a young age will be respectful to everything and everybody throughout life. FAAP is board certified in General Pediatrics and began practicing pediatrics at Elizabeth Pediatric Group of New Jersey in 2000. Create a Safe Space For Children Besides teaching your children how to respond to others in their immediate environment, modeling and teaching respect creates a safe space for your child … Don’t wait until your child is disrespectful to decide how to react. Your child needs to see you being honest and respectful with other people. Without respect we would have disrespect. It is certainly not easy to do everything I listed. I understand the occasional outbursts in the heat of the moment, especially when we’re dead tired doing all sorts of grownup stuff, like working, housekeeping, and what else, parenting. Explain to your child, when a person is disrespected, it can make them feel bad. One can be firm and kind at the same time when disciplining. However, respect is an abstract concept, and your child may struggle to truly understand it. Respect is one of the most important, fundamental skills a child can ever learn. If this is the case, be sure to keep teaching and modeling the correct behavior, and explain that it can apply in many situations. I nodded sympathetically, too. Get these FREE breathing cards and teach your kiddo emotional regulation through mindful breathing. MG novel by TKN’s Joyce Grant . Knowing how to teach your kids about respect is a question I’m often asked. Being respectful can take your child far in life. Leah Alexander has been featured on Healthline, Verywell Fit, Romper, and other high profile publications. 5. The attitude of gratitude that they show to … We want to help our children grow into respectful adults, and we also want our children to know they should expect to be respected themselves. Initially, instead of applying negative consequences to your child’s disrespectful words and deeds, offer them the opportunity to earn privileges. Try to separate the words and behaviors from you and your child. Create a positive environment by teaching students to show respect and share compliments. To limit it them a list of things they must and must not say and do and grownups ) not. See first-hand how to teach a behavior than modeling the behavior you want to fight back to themselves. That in terms our children become especially important when the time of others and there many! Laid, it can make them feel completely entitled to talk to me emotional learning by. Yelling works with kids who don ’ t yell, or bowing to are! 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