One of the most common reasons people take offense is insecurity. The goal becomes finding a way to rectify the words spoken or actions taken with the self-concept. It is not the purpose of this article to get into those opinions and ideas on those topics, but to explore what it means and the psychology behind getting ‘offended’. To protect themselves they become very rigid because trauma is rigid.”. Instead of sharing desires, people can shrink back. advice and career trends - and MadameNoire provides all of that. Ways of behaving, ways of responding in which people are judged and evaluated. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Marissa Nelson, the feeling boils down to expectations. But instead of being able to acknowledge what is taking place internally, they end up focusing on what is taking place externally. DD. It’s a form of maintaining power in relationships because they don’t know how to be vulnerable.”. We can take it or leave it. To be offended to the point where one feels it is in natural to do something as such to take an action, one must be highly offended. ... How To Stop Taking Things Personally and Being Offended - … When I encounter people who are constantly outraged or harboring resentment for the smallest of things, my kneejerk reaction is to cut ties with the person, but according to Nelson, people who struggle in this way require empathy and love more than anything else. “They don’t want to tell you what they need,” says Nelson. “What you can do is love them the best that you can and try to understand where they’re coming from so that you don’t completely shut them out.”. It usually indicates poor understanding of one's own emotions in favor of the strategy of trying to change the behavior of others.But, since we're all autonomous beings, we are only able to change ourselves--this includes how we understand and react to the world around us. It wasn’t until we returned home that I learned that the reason for her gloomy disposition had nothing to do with the funeral and everything to do with me. Habit. Psychological interventions for those who have sexually offended or are at risk of offending. You know, live life and let others live theirs. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 1-16. This is who they’ve become because they’ve been emotionally isolated,” she shared.”. “She’s just like that,” another relative said to me after I shared the text message. They need to be in control of their lives, in control of outcomes, in control of other people,” Nelson shared. In fact, the word psychology literally means ‘the study of the soul’. Self-Reflection One way of looking at this would be to say that it would be a good idea for one take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place within them when they are offended. ThoughtHub is a collection of knowledge to help you learn more about your favorite topics. For people who are not used to advocating for their own needs or ideas, this task can seem daunting. The feeling of being offended happens when you think that other people are treating you disrespectfully. Additional readings as assigned by the Instructor. Offense. April 5, 2014 at 3:38 am. When the self-concept is challenged, one will question perceptions of self and insecurities ensue. *ThoughtHub is provided by SAGU, a private Christian university offering more than 60 Christ-centered academic programs - associates, bachelor's and master's and doctorate degrees in liberal arts and bible and church ministries. As I ponder back over my forty-odd years on this planet, I can’t really remember going lengths of time without feeling offended. For example, there’s ever less tolerance for a statement or action … In my experience, the people who like to complain about others being offended are actually upset that others can now express offense at their behavior, where before they had to suck it up and take the abuse from more privileged people. This behavior transcends politics and religion. The person will need to make a choice: to accept, reject with offense, or reject without offense. Insecurities are based on one’s self-concept, ideas and feelings about self (Coon & Mitterer, 2009). seek information on a wide variety of topics including African-American hair care, health issues, relationship Coon, Dennis & Mitterer, John (2009). … The significance of the offender and the role in the life of the offended can impact the intensity of the feeling of offense (Cohen, Nisbett, Bowdel, & Schwarz, 1996). By someone’s words, or actions. Culture has expectations. Ames, Lee, & Wazlawek (2017) define interpersonal assertiveness as the extent to which people choose to advocate for themselves and their needs even when others do not necessarily agree. “While we can be understanding and compassionate, we also have to remember not to take on other people’s baggage. Being offended offers a real-world check outside of one’s comfort zone. It is experienced one person at a time, as an interior phenomenon. When the self-concept is challenged, one will question perceptions of self and insecurities ensue. Cochrane Database Syst Rev. Days later, in a text message, Maya laid out a laundry list of things I had apparently done to offend her. They’re projecting their own values and beliefs onto you.”. Of course, being empathetic doesn’t mean taking on their baggage or subjecting yourself to abuse. Thus, being offended may already be ingrained in some people and it’s difficult for them to find other cognitive pathways to interpret information with. 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